What is it to be a man?

Sean says...

Ian Roberts

"What is it to be a man?"  This is the question that former Australian pro-rugby player, now actor Ian Roberts has tattooed on his right arm.  Why? Roberts has this question tattooed on his arm to continually query himself about what it is to be a man because he is gay. 

His tattooed question, for some reason, is stuck in my own mind since I read the cover story about Roberts in The Advocate a few weeks ago. What is it to be a man? Is it really about being sexually attracted to women, the carriage of the body, the facial expressions, a certain annunciation of words, the basic interests in sports, the movies you like, or even the job you pursue sometimes. Is being a man mean masculinity, testosterone, and the typical "normal jock guy" stereotype?

To me I always doubted my own categorization as a "real man" like I am sure every gay man has done now and again. Another Vox poster spoke about how every time you meet a new person, move to a new place, or start a new job you are continually coming out as you move through life after announcing to the world and yourself, for that matter, that you are a gay man. And that is where my own doubt comes in. I joke a lot with my friends about taking away their "gay card" when one of us does something that fits the "normal" gay stereotypical activities or likes. Do we do this because we feel like lesser men?  Are we lesser men for being gay because we have a little swish in our hips, a higher voice, use words like "darling" now and again in jest, wear a certain style of clothing, or enjoy Valley of The Dolls?

Then I see men like Roberts, who meets the straight "real man" stereotype but has embraced his true self, and feel better.

That emotion of feeling better though is not just self-medication, it opens up the thought that being a man is just based on physicality and the rest is just what you make it. I am the man that I created. I am gay. I enjoy watching baseball, football and tennis. I can recite every line of Steel Magnolias. I enjoy the stereotypical gay delivery of sarcasm upon occasion. I love cuddling with my partner, another man, in the early morning when the day is new. I get excited about buying shoes. I live for seeing new places, hiking new trails, and seeing animals in the wild. I like saying a naughty word now and again followed by my own laughter.  I enjoy hanging out with straight men and talking about sports and politics. I don't fear or dislike Log Cabin Republicans, I am not afraid to speak my mind and be stern when I want to be. I am not a fan of pride parades. I beleive in God and go to church. I am not neat. I love cooking and eating good food. I prefer a cocktail to beer. And that is just some parts of the man I am.

I love me...something I have not always done in my life. But now I do love me for being the man I have become, gay and all. I think that is why Roberts had this tattooed this on his arm...and this is my opinion...he did it to remind himself that you are the man you make yourself to be. And that is where the true comfort of my own sense of being becomes truly satisfied.