16 posts tagged “civil marriage”

The McFreeds share the following news...

Advocate.com reports a simple discription of what is happening legally in the California Proposition 8 litigation...

The California supreme court announced Wednesday that it will review legal challenges to Proposition 8, which passed by a narrow margin on November 4, constitutionally banning same-sex marriage in the state.

But don't look for any resolution in the immediate future: The high court scheduled a hearing for March, asking litigants on both sides for more written arguments in the interim.

The National Center for Lesbian Rights, the American Civil Liberties Union, and Lambda Legal filed a suit challenging the validity of Prop. 8 on November 5, before Equality California, the official group that worked to defeat Prop. 8, had formally conceded.

The court will be asked to answer the following questions:

"Is Proposition 8 invalid because it constitutes a revision of, rather than an amendment to, the California constitution?"

"Does Proposition 8 violate the separation of powers doctrine under the California constitution?"

"If Proposition 8 is not unconstitutional, what is its effect, if any, on the marriages of same-sex couples performed before the adoption of Proposition 8?"

Sean shares this vlog (video blog)...

With all the talk about African-Americans and Latinos roles in passing California's Proposition 8, we forget that there is a lot of outreach to be done. Check out this episode of the Mocha Lounge on 365gay.com.

Note: I did not embed this video because it started everytime you opened up our blog. Please utilize the link.  

The McFreeds let you in on the rights that all legal marriages in this country have under federal law...

Here is a list of marriage rights provided by U.S. federal law according to the General Accountability Office (GAO) in a 2004 report. Notice that most of these are economic in nature. Name your favorite right!

• Right to many of ex- or late spouse's benefits, including:
• Social Security pension
• veteran's pensions, indemnity compensation for service-connected deaths, medical care, and nursing home care, right to burial in veterans' cemeteries, educational assistance, and housing
• survivor benefits for federal employees
• survivor benefits for spouses of longshoremen, harbor workers, railroad workers
• additional benefits to spouses of coal miners who die of black lung disease
• $100,000 to spouse of any public safety officer killed in the line of duty
• continuation of employer-sponsored health benefits
• renewal and termination rights to spouse's copyrights on death of spouse
• continued water rights of spouse in some circumstances
• payment of wages and workers compensation benefits after worker death
• making, revoking, and objecting to post-mortem anatomical gifts
• Right to benefits while married:
• employment assistance and transitional services for spouses of members being separated from military service; continued commissary privileges
• per diem payment to spouse for federal civil service employees when relocating
• Indian Health Service care for spouses of Native Americans (in some circumstances)
• sponsor husband/wife for immigration benefits
• Larger benefits under some programs if married, including:
• veteran's disability
• Supplemental Security Income
• disability payments for federal employees
• Medicaid
• property tax exemption for homes of totally disabled veterans
• income tax deductions, credits, rates exemption, and estimates
• Joint and family-related rights:
• joint filing of bankruptcy permitted
• joint parenting rights, such as access to children's school records
• family visitation rights for the spouse and non-biological children, such as to visit a spouse in a hospital or prison
• next-of-kin status for emergency medical decisions or filing wrongful death claims
• custodial rights to children, shared property, child support, and alimony after divorce
• domestic violence intervention
• access to "family only" services, such as reduced rate memberships to clubs & organizations or residency in certain neighborhoods
• Preferential hiring for spouses of veterans in government jobs
• Tax-free transfer of property between spouses (including on death) and exemption from "due-on-sale" clauses.
• Special consideration to spouses of citizens and resident aliens
• Spouse's flower sales count towards meeting the eligibility for Fresh Cut Flowers and Fresh Cut Greens Promotion and Information Act
• Threats against spouses of various federal employees is a federal crime
• Right to continue living on land purchased from spouse by National Park Service when easement granted to spouse
• Court notice of probate proceedings
• Domestic violence protection orders
• Existing homestead lease continuation of rights
• Regulation of condominium sales to owner-occupants exemption
• Funeral and bereavement leave
• Joint adoption and foster care
• Joint tax filing
• Insurance licenses, coverage, eligibility, and benefits organization of mutual benefits society
• Legal status with stepchildren
• Making spousal medical decisions
• Spousal non-resident tuition deferential waiver
• Permission to make funeral arrangements for a deceased spouse, including burial or cremation
• Right of survivorship of custodial trust
• Right to change surname upon marriage
• Right to enter into prenuptial agreement
• Right to inheritance of property
• Spousal privilege in court cases (the marital confidences privilege and the spousal testimonial privilege)
• Spousal income and assets are counted in determining need in many forms of government assistance, including:
• veteran's medical and home care benefits
• housing assistance
• housing loans for veterans
• child's education loans
• educational loan repayment schedule
• agricultural price supports and loans
• eligibility for federal matching campaign funds
• Ineligible for National Affordable Housing program if spouse ever purchased a home.
• Subject to conflict-of-interest rules for many government and government-related jobs
• Ineligible to receive various survivor benefits upon remarriage
• Marriage penalty/bonus with income taxes
• Someone working for their spouse cannot be defined as an "employee”
• Someone cannot change beneficiaries in a retirement plan or from waiving the joint and survivor annuity form of retirement benefit, without the written consent of his or her spouse
• Wages can be garnished at a maximum of 60% (instead of the normal 25% limit) if the garnishing is for alimony or child support
• State community property laws in divorce/separation cases

Sean shares a post from Queerty.com that makes a ton of sense...

In a post that will surely upset the "We must not be divisive!" crowd, Andrew Sullivan questions the continued value of the Human Rights Campaign, noting that not only is there almost no information about last weekend's protests on their site, but also:

"In the two decades of serious struggle for marriage equality, the Human Rights Campaign has been mostly absent, and when present, often passive or reactive. Here's a simple statistic that might help shake us out of complacency: HRC claims to have spent $3.4 million on No On 8. The Mormon church was able to spend over $20 million, by appealing to its members. Why are non-gay Mormons more capable of organizing and fund-raising on a gay rights measure than the biggest national gay rights group?"

It's not a dumb question.

Now, taking pot shots at the Human Rights Campaign a popular pastime among pretty much every gay political pundit (Queerty included), but the passage of Prop 8. may be seen as a tipping point, with more and more voices questioning the various gay organizations that are commonly seen as "gay leadership." As Sully puts it:

"It's time gay people realized that this group is often part of the problem, and rarely part of the solution. It needs to be swept clean of its deadwood, overhauled, or if it persists in its ways, defunded. When we are in a civil rights movement and the biggest organization is essentially a passive observer and excuse-maker, it's time to demand better."

One of the common rejoinders being made by gay leaders is that Prop 8. passed "for one reason and one reason only, people were lied to [by the Yes on 8 campaign]", as L.A. Gay & Lesbian Center CEO Lori Jean told the Los Angeles protest on Saturday. And while it's true that the Yes on 8 campaign made false accusations about the meaning of same-sex marriage, political campaigns are a zero-sum games. Just as we would not give any credit to the Mormon Church if the Prop. had failed, we can't place all the blame on our opponents now that it has passed.

The reality is, we got beat and we need to take responsibility for that defeat. As P.R. exec Simon Halls said last week:

"Pure and simple, they beat us at the marketing game. If we learned anything from President-elect Obama’s brilliant and victorious campaign, it’s all about your efforts on the ground. The new president and his team organized at the grassroots level. They honed a clear and focused message and they were incredibly disciplined."

The No on 8 campaign put all their money into TV ads (many of which did not even mention that Prop. 8 was about gay marriage) and into phone banking. During the campaign Julie Davis, Northern California campaign director for No on 8 made fun of the Yes on 8's on-the-ground approach which she described as "randomly knocking on doors". After they won, what did the Yes on 8 people credit their win to? You guessed it:

“We thought it would go this way,” Proposition 8 co-chair Frank Schubert said. “We had 100,000 people on the streets today. We had people in every precinct, if not knocking on doors, then phoning voters in every precinct. We canvassed the entire state of California, one on one, asking people face to face how do they feel about this issue.

“And this is the kind of issue people are very personal and private about, and they don’t like talking to pollsters, they don’t like talking to the media, but we had a pretty good idea how they felt and that’s being reflected in the vote count.”

In our struggle to change the mind's of others, we may have to change our own. The grassroots, "everyone has a voice", web-centric nature of the campaign that started after Prop. 8 passed is a direct response to the hierarchical, "here's the plan, get on board or go away", "shout from our bubble" effort that preceded it.

Madness is defined as doing the same thing over and over again and expecting a different response. It's clear that the strategy (or lack thereof) of the HRC and No on 8. campaign did not work. Saying it's because the bad guys are liars and cheats gets us nowhere. Asking "Who are we?", "What do we want?" and "How do we get there?" does.

To the people who feel that questioning our gay leaders will only make us more divided, I point to our defeat and ask, "What makes you think we were ever united?"

Sean shares...

Below is a conversation that D.L. Hughley and Dan Savage had on Hughley's new talk show on CNN specifically targeting African-Americans and operating in the same vein as The Daily Show. This honest and respectful discussion between two people is what really should go on today. I am not a fan of Dan Savage at times but this was a great few minutes. Hughley was very honest and I think spoke very much for many people in his simple view of the whole Proposition 8 debate. We must remember that not all people who oppose us are wrong, they just don't know us yet.

Sean blabs again about the JoinTheImpact rally in Baltimore...

Here are my exact words I spoke to open the rally at Baltimore City Hall on November 15, 2008 at 1:30pm. Thought this little neighborhood and maybe Stefan and my family would enjoy reading it since they couldn't be there. 

There was a moment of silence coordinated nationwide at 2pm to recoginize the 18,000 California families who had their marriages put in jeopardy by the passage of Proposition 8. That was really moving. Kyle & Cypher and Frank and Bill, I thought of you guys at that moment.

I also said some great things about Stefan of course to the crowd but I have bragged too much on here to you all, you would probably be bored out of your mind if you aren't already!

HELLO BALTIMORE!!!!

ARE YOU READY TO HAVE YOUR VOICE HEARD TODAY?!

AMERICA CAN’T HEAR YOU! (SAY AT LEAST ONCE)

ARE YOU READY TO HAVE YOUR VOICE HEARD TODAY?!

 

WE GATHER HERE TOGETHER TODAY AS…

 

NOT JUST AS A GAY/LESBIAN/BISEXUAL/TRANSGENDER/QUEER COMMUNITY,

 

NOT JUST AS STRAIGHT COMMUNITY,

 

NOT JUST AS MEN AND WOMEN,

 

NOT JUST AS A MEMBER OF A RACIAL, ETHNIC, OR RELIGIOUS GROUP

 

NOT JUST AS CONCERNED PARENTS AND FAMILIES

 

WE GATHER PEACEFULLY HERE TODAY AS AMERICANS TO SAY

 

NO TO HATE,

NO TO MISINFORMATION,

NO TO DISCRIMINATION BY BALLOT

 

WE COME HERE TO BALTIMORE CITY HALL TO PROTEST WITH THOUSANDS OF OTHER AMERICANS IN 300 U.S. CITIES AND ALL 50 STATES THE PASSAGE OF STATE BALLOT INITIATIVES THAT TOLD GAY AND LESBIAN FAMILIES THAT THEIR RIGHTS DO NOT MATTER.

 

YOU ALL KNOW THE FACTS…

 

IN CALIFORNIA, THE RIGHT TO MARRY UNDER STATE LAW WAS TAKEN AWAY BY PUBLIC VOTE.

 

IN FLORIDA, THE RIGHT TO MARRY OR OBTAIN A CIVIL UNION WAS BANNED BY PUBLIC VOTE.

 

IN ARIZONA, THE RIGHT TO MARRY WAS BANNED BY PUBLIC VOTE.

 

IN ARKANSAS, UNMARRIED GAY, LESBIAN, AND STRAIGHT COUPLES WERE BANNED FROM ADOPTING OR FOSTERING CHILDREN.

 

WITH ALL THIS TALK ABOUT AMERICAN VALUES THESE LAST FEW YEARS IS THIS WHAT WE WANT AMERICA TO STAND FOR?

 

THE REV. DR. MARTIN LUTHER KING JR. SAID ONCE THAT “The ultimate measure of a man is not where he stands in moments of comfort and convenience, but where he stands at times of challenge and controversy.”

 

DO YOU STAND TOGETHER IN THIS PLACE, AT THIS TIME, RIGHT NOW DETERMINED TO DEFEND EQUALITY IN AMERICA?

 

THEN LET’S GET THIS NATIONAL PROTEST STARTED! LET’S LET OUR FELLOW AMERICANS HEAR OUR VOICE TODAY! LET’S HEAR IT!!!!

 

THANK YOURSELVES FOR COMING TODAY!  YOU ALL HEARD ABOUT THIS EVENT THROUGH THE INTERNET. YOUR FACEBOOK PAGE. YOUR MYSPACE FRIENDS. VIA FORWARDED EMAIL. VIA BLOG. VIA THE OLD FASHIONED WORD OF MOUTH!  THANK YOU FOR COMING AND SHOWING YOU CARE.

 

TODAY WE ARE MAKING A FIRST DROP IN THE POND OF HISTORY. THE RIPPLE YOU CREATE TODAY WILL CHANGE AMERICA. TOGETHER WE WILL MOVE AMERICA FORWARD AND ENSURE ALL AMERICANS ARE CREATED EQUAL UNDER THE LAW.

 

Later I said... 

 

Let’s say welcome to our opponents who are along for the ride with us today. Dr. Martin Luther King Jr. said once “Never succumb to the temptation of bitterness.”  Today we will protest nonviolently and will change America without bitterness. Our purpose is to have America hear our voices, not to watch us throw a punch. We get no where with anger, we get everywhere with determination.

The McFreeds share a video...

Call or email your friends and relatives in California to vote "No" on Proposition 8!

...and don't forget to call or email your friends and relatives in the following states to vote "NO" on the following:

Arkansas Initiative 1: Ban on Same-Sex Couples Adopting Children

Arizona Proposition 102: State Constitution Amendment Ban on Same-Sex Marriage - Traditional Marriage is between a man and a woman only, no ban on civil unions or domestic partnerships.

California Proposition 8: State Constitution Amendment Ban on Same-Sex Marriage - Traditional Marriage is between a man and a woman only, no ban on civil unions or domestic partnerships. Reverses state Supreme Court ruling allowing same-Sex marriage and potentially threatens the dissolution of existing same-sex marriages.

Florida Amendment 2: State Constitution Amendment Ban on Same-Sex Marriage -  Traditional Marriage is between a man and a woman only, ban on civil unions or domestic partnerships.  Must receive 60% of popular vote to pass.  

The McFreeds report...

SFGate.com and AfterElton.com are reporting the following about retired NFL Hall of Fame Quarterback and MVP of Super Bowl XXIX Steve Young and his wife Barb Young are coming out against Proposition 8, donating money to the cause of deating it, AND have a yard sign on their front lawn!  Even more significant is that the Youngs are doing this against their church, which they are very devoted to! Thanks Steve!

From AfterElton.com:

This weekend, Steve Young and his wife, Barb Young, made it clear they don't support anti-gay discrimination in California by coming out publicly against Proposition 8 and donating $50,000 to help defeat the measure. Via Equality California, Barb Young issued a statement saying "We believe all families matter, and we do not believe in discrimination, therefore, our family will vote against Prop. 8." The lawn of the Young home also sports No on 8 signs. (Note: While it is Barb Young's name on the check to No on 8, she also made another statement making it clear that Steve agrees with and supports her.)

It should be noted that Young, a Hall of Fame player and MVP of Super Bowl XXIX, isn't just any old retired NFL quarterback. He's also a member of the Mormon Church that has poured millions of dollars into into passing Proposition 8. And Young isn't any old Mormon either — he's a direct descendant of Brigham Young (the second president of the Mormon church) and has been one of the church's most visible Mormons. Frankly, the Youngs' stance on Proposition 8 is rather shocking given how invested the Mormon church is in passing the anti-gay amendment.

--------------------------------------------

From SFGate.com Political Blog:

The signs on the front lawn of former 49er quarterback Steve Young's Peninsula home say "No on Prop. 8," which normally wouldn't be much of a story in the Bay Area, a gay-friendly region which is the center of opposition to the effort to ban same-sex marriage in the state.

But Young isn't only a Hall of Fame quarterback. He's also the great-great-great grandson of Brigham Young, the second president of the Mormon church. The church has pushed hard and publicly for Prop. 8 and Mormons have pumped millions into the campaign.

Young also isn't just any church member. During his years in the NFL, he was one of the nation's most visible Mormons. He graduated from BYU, which was named for his ancestor, and received his law degree there. In a 1996 "60 Minute" interview, he said that he still had plans to go on the church mission he missed in college and had no problem tithing 10 percent of his earnings to the church. He retains close ties to Utah, married his wife, Barbara, at a temple in Hawaii and even served as narrator for a short video on the Mormon church and its history, done for the 2002 Winter Olympics in Utah.

Given all that, it's surprising to see Young's family lining up on the opposite side of the church, especially after Mormon leaders in Salt Lake City sent a letter last June that asked all California church members to do all they could to support the Prop. 8 effort by "donating of your means and time to assure that marriage in California is legally defined as being between a man and a woman."

While it's Barb Young's name that appears on the checks, she made it clear in a statement issued today through Equality California that the contributions are a family affair.

"We believe ALL families matter and we do not believe in discrimination, therefore, our family will vote against Prop. 8," she said.

Later, she clarified her remarks with this update: "To expand on my earlier email, I am very passionate about this issue and Steve is completely supportive of me and my work for equality. We both love our Church and are grateful that our Church encourages us to vote our conscience. Steve prefers not to get involved politically on any issue no matter what the cause and therefore makes no endorsement."

The McFreeds share this commentary...

We devote this blog entry to an editorial singer/activist Melissa Etheridge wrote in opposition to California's Proposition 8:

When my official sample ballot for the November 4th general election arrived I was in the kitchen, where my eldest son was practicing tricks on his yo-yo. As I thumbed through the pamphlet I turned to page 5, state measures. There it was, right between prop 7: The Renewable Energy Generation Initiative Statute, and prop 9:The Criminal Justice System Victims’ Rights Parole Initiative Constitutional Amendment and Statute:

Proposition 8: Eliminates Right of Same-Sex couples To Marry.

I called my son over. I said “Read this, tell me what you think”. He, being 9 years old and very proud of his reading skills, read “Changes California Constitution to eliminate right of same sex couples to marry.” He looked at me, very matter-of-factly and said, “Wow, that’s lame.”

A rush of memories came over me. What a long strange trip it has been.

I remembered being a new mom in 1997. I followed the long trail of red tape to find a way to adopt my children so they could be covered by health insurance, or so I could see them in the hospital in case of some emergency, along with dozens of other reasons. I was fortunate enough to have the financial resources to find a lawyer that would help me through the heart breaking adoption system. The social worker would come to my house, numerous times, evaluate me, have me fill out all of the forms and then regretfully deny me my right to adopt my children because California law prohibited social workers from adoption approval of same sex couples. Then my lawyer would take my case to a judge that would read the social worker’s words “regretfully deny” and then the judge would say, “overruled, “allowing me to adopt my children within the legal system. I give thanks to these great people who truly believe in equal rights and risked so much for so many families.

There were the dark times, when proposition 22 was put on the ballot in 2000. It was a strange act, more like a true or false question: ”Marriage in the state of California is defined as being between a man and a woman.” Okay…? It passed.

Then I remembered my own wedding in 2003. I had found my true love, Tammy. It was a magical ceremony that started with my children walking with me down the aisle to meet my bride as the two aisles merged into one. I wanted to stand in front of my community of family and friends and declare my promise to be committed to my partner, now my wife, through thick and thin, in sickness and in health, something that would be tested with my breast cancer diagnosis and treatment later that next year. The day before the wedding Grey Davis gave same sex couples domestic partnership rights, one of his last moments as governor and we proudly hung our certificates on our wall. They were limited rights, but doggone it, it was a beginning.

I will never forget the day earlier this year when the news came down the wire that the Supreme Court of CA. had declared same sex marriage legal. We told our children about it and all danced around the room in family glee. I have four children now, my 11-year-old daughter, my 9-year-old son and boy and girl twins, aged two. We knew the only way our rights could be taken away was through a ballot measure and a constitutional amendment revoking the rights of same sex couples.

And now here it is.

Prop 8 is a blatantly hateful, and fearful proposition that I believe the great citizens of California can see through. The proponents of it have run the most fearful of television ads telling the people that if this doesn’t pass they will have to teach about homos to small grade school children. I can’t seem to recall any relationships ever being taught in school and I can’t find anything about that in this proposition. Now, I know my preference of life mate freaks some people out. Maybe it is just their fear of sex or intimacy. I know that they hold up the bible and say that it’s wrong. Fine, let me stand before my creator and take any consequences there might be to living my life in truth and balance with my spirit.

I believe in our democracy. I believe in our constitution. I believe we live in the greatest country in the world. I believe that we are as strong as our weakest link and if we deny any of our citizens the right to “life liberty and the pursuit of happiness” then we deny it to all of us.

I will be waking up with my children on November 5th and I will be fixing them breakfast as I usually do. I look forward to telling them that prop 8 was defeated. I am sure my son will say, “Good, that was lame.”

Yes, lame indeed.

Gay Couple

Sean wonders...

Stefan and I are really getting married. Sure we got engaged last Xmas and pondered about if it was really real in past blogs. And sure Maryland hasn't exactly legalized our type of marriage yet. But we really ARE. 

How do we know?

What made us realize this?

A deposit has been made!

During our trip to Ocean City in September, we decided to explore and see what our options were location-wise. We both thought we would love a beach wedding... although Stefan still feels weird about walking down the sandy aisle without shoes on... but we had no preconceptions about where it could be or if it was even possible.

But we found it!

A restaurant in Dewey Beach, Delaware presented us with a private beach location, a great reception option, and the history of same-sex wedding ceremonies already occuring there. After a few weeks of thought we knew it was the place. This takes care of the ceremony site, reception site, catering, a tent, booze, and date - October 10, 2009. Of course it didn't really hit us until we saw the deposit $$$ pop up on the credit account! 

It's truly weird how a simple line item in a credit statement could validate something.  

We already have a preliminary guest list of 100. 

We already selected co-officients for our ceremony - Sean's college rooommate Tim and Stefan's cousin Allene.

We already decided that both Christian and Jewish tenets will be employed.

We agreed to incorprate a Jewish chuppa into our event.

But, we still have the business of: 

• Finding a photographer and DJ;
• Selecting, printing, addressing, and mailing the invitations;
• Choosing outfits (and no, neither of us is wearing the dress);
• Selecting a color theme; blocking rooms at hotels for guests;
• Deciding on readings for the ceremony; and choosing our entrance themes and first dance song(s).

So the "battle" is just beginning!  But we have a plan and a budget, so this will happen!

Who cares if the economy is tanking, right??!!  (nervous laughter)

Look to this space to hear more as this all unfolds!