3 posts tagged “homosexual”

Sean relates a story about trying to escape the "gay" word...

I Feel Pretty and Witty and . . . What?

Wednesday, July 02, 2008

Al Kamen for The Washington Post

Having an "auto-replace" filter seemed like a good notion at the time to folks at the conservative American Family Association's OneNewsNow.com Web site. There were certain words that would pop up from time to time in the Associated Press stories that moved onto the site that were a bit salacious, or unacceptable to post.

"We don't have the staff to monitor all the Hollywood stories," news director Fred Jackson said yesterday, "so we wanted an automated function." He said they put up the filter about a month or so ago.

One word they wanted to filter was "gay." The site felt that the term put the matter of homosexuality "in a positive light," Jackson said, when the evangelical Christian organization was much opposed. So when a wire story referred to gay marriage, for example, the phrase would automatically appear as "homosexual marriage."

Worked fine until Sunday, when the AP reported that "Tyson Homosexual easily won his semifinal for the 100 meters at the U.S. Olympic track and field trials." The story was headlined "Homosexual eases into 100 final at Olympic trials."

"On Saturday," the story said, "Homosexual misjudged the finish in his opening heat . . ."

That's world champion sprinter Tyson Gay, of course.

The filtered stories were spotted by the liberal People for the American Way. The organization has a "Right Wing Watch Blog," communications director Peter Montgomery said, and folks "who monitor religious-right Web sites as part of watchdogging the religious right and its political allies."

The organization took a screen capture, he said, just before OneNewsNow fixed the text. An earlier story on the Web site referred to pro basketball player Rudy Homosexual, better known as Rudy Gay.

Apparently there were no references in the past month to writer Homosexual Talese or to the Enola Homosexual.

As with all good pieces of software, Jackson said, there are drawbacks. It was "a lesson for us to learn," he said. Jackson didn't know what other words were targeted, but "we have taken ['gay'] off the filter."

So at Christmas you can don that gay apparel.

Sean opines...

Mrs Meaney (yes her real name) was conducting a vocabulary lesson that afternoon when I suddenly realized I was different from the other kids. Carter and Joe both turned around as Mrs. Meaney's back was turned to us and mouthed that hateful word to me. It was all without sound but I heard the hate and the truth loud and clear. "Faggot" they said and I never forgot it. I was so traumatized by what was said my mind collapsed and I entered a deep depression that frightened my parents. I believe that was the moment in time they knew who I was, but let me be to discover it myself. Carter and Joe were punished and confronted with their hate in the end. In their direct apology to me, they both expressed true feelings of forgiveness; saying they just couldn't comprehend how what they saw as harmless teasing affected me so deeply. Whatever their apology, the damage was done on my self-esteem. I felt worthless and alone at that moment and for a few weeks after. I supressed my feelings silently soon enough, turned on my Pollyanna grin, and moved on in life.  However, fear and doubt organized in my subconscience and fueled my denial. Who wanted to be "different?"  I soldiered on like a man should.

As high school and college came and went, a few moments stood out for me. Being the nerd I am I joined the "It's Academic" team and pursued my love of all things trivia. I met 3 friends, 2 juniors and a sophomore, who lived around the corner from and who I shared common interests and chemistry. For two years we were great friends and then we were not. I never understood why we stopped being friends. Maybe it was my age and the fact that they all went off to college way before me. Little did I know that was my first flirtation with love. Sure I had had crushes on girls in middle school, and pre-school had me screaming "I love Leslie" on many an audio tape in honor of a fellow 3 year-old classmate. But I found out later in life that someone truly had fallen in love with me and I never realized it until he told me years later. We tried to be friends later in life but we both were in troubled relationships and distance and fear of temptation caused us to drift apart. I think of him often and miss the friendship that we should have continued.

College found me so tightly wound I didn't know what to do. I found myself repulsed when I found out that one of the seniors I had come to know was gay. I limited my time with him and soon he graduated and life returned without curiousity. Unbeknownst to me, my sophomore college roommate Tim defended me to others when they asserted that I was gay and that he shouldn't move in with me. He covered for me while I just ignored who I was. I went on dating red heads and blondes now and again, all the while skimming the boundary of bisexual thoughts which we all know lead to gay town. But still I fought on and senior year had a short fling with another red head who strangely enough would supply a quote after she passed through my life that I would celebrate fondly. I regret those years sometimes. I was afraid. Think of all the life I could have lived without the stress of being found out. Building a confidence that I too could love and be loved without worrying about another group of boys turning around and calling me "faggot." I should have had those years back to better mold who I am rather than continuing another fight that lasted 3 more years.

After college I moved around and got into political organizing and student teaching. I heard the whispers about me but I "knew" I was straight. In 1995, I sat down at a dinner party with several friends and had the same experience that the "faggot" incident had hit me with years previously.  A guest at the party, who was out and proud, looked me in the eye after I made a joke about a flirtation he made with another at the table and said "When are you going to stop running?" I shuddered and flashbacked, but this time I didn't fear. I took a journey in my mind and realized the real me was there. My college friends were the first to learn. "Amy was right," they said. The red headed freshman girl I had dated and "become a man" with had been quoted in an article about her becoming the 1st straight officer of a gay student organization: "All my boyfriends have ended up being gay." And she was right. I guess she was my Grace Adler but more forgettable.

Was I free though in my mind? I wasn't really. I kept my true self private and fled to Montana to learn about me without the distraction of parents and friends; preconceptions and truth was my fear. Montana was a time of total freedom that also had me looking forward to finding a special man in my life. I found someone through a mutual friend, returned back to my hometown, and tried to make a life together. That white knight story did not work out but I made a friend for life. My second try at love was more about trying to "complete me" and not "be me." I accept my blame for how things ended and try and make peace every day with myself and God about it. Love was a good goal but not at the expense of myself again. And then I searched my soul and my mind and my inner dark areas for the true me. After some cage shaking by friends and even chance strangers I realized who I was and now I am at peace. I even felt like I spoke to God to obtain forgiveness in my own heart for the self-loathing I victimized my self with. I had found the true me complete and forgiven! And that discovery, of course, all led me to the beauty that is Stefan...

Why do I write about all this? Why do I expose myself today? Because yesterday an institution in our great country said I was the "same" and my story must be told to show that Stefan and I are humans who deserve to love without political condition. Hiding is no longer an option; to reveal is the only answer. I have always felt different. I have always felt incomplete. I have always felt disappointed that things I thought I deserved in life were just out of reach because of who I am even though I kept my Pollyanna demeanor and soldiered on as the man I claim to be. Now, I feel I can be me and have hope that my strong heart and soul that Stefan celebrates every day as my partner may have a happy ending soon. My parents may never worry that I won't be left out of the great institution that is marriage. They know I will be safe and cared for after they leave this earth many years from now, potentially legally soon. 

California confirmed to me and my gay and lesbian brothers and sisters that we are the "same".  We will have to fight even harder to keep our affirmation given us by the California Supreme Court in a fight against a state constitutional amendment aimed at returning things back to the way they were. Regardless, the California Supreme Court's decision at this moment in declaring an end to true difference between gay and straight at least in one state is enormous!  It makes me excited and proud to be me and have strengthened hope in the family Stefan and I are making. I can marry Stefan (which is planned for Fall 2009 at this point) just the same as anyone else now... even if opportunity is just open to us in one state at the moment.  I have always loved the word "unique" but to be the "same" in this one instance is beyond words. Who knows we might just pre-empt Fall 2009 with a quick flight to the west coast soon!   

The McFreeds jump up and down and shout about...

The California Supreme Court made it official today, both heterosexual and homosexual couples can now marry in the state of California... and call it marriage!  In a 4-3 ruling, the court defined that marriage is not about tradition it is about creating one's own private relationship with someone else and having the state recognize and protect that union without prejudice. There is a state constitutional amendment pending a vote in November 2008 if it gets the right amount of signatures that could change this ruling. However, in 30 days two people (resident or non-resident) will be able to get married in California as long as they show up in person with a valid ID and the proof of any previous marriage's divorce (if applicable).

This is my favorite part of the ruling... which is 121 page long:

"...our state now recognizes that an individual’s capacity to establish a loving and long-term committed relationship with another person and responsibly to care for and raise children does not depend upon the individual’s sexual orientation, and, more generally, that an individual’s sexual orientation — like a person’s race or gender — does not constitute a legitimate basis upon which to deny or withhold legal rights.  We therefore conclude that in view of the substance and significance of the fundamental constitutional right to form a family relationship, the California Constitution properly must be interpreted to guarantee this basic civil right to all Californians, whether gay or heterosexual, and to same-sex couples as well as to opposite-sex couples."