12 posts tagged “marriage”

The McFreeds share the following news...

Advocate.com reports a simple discription of what is happening legally in the California Proposition 8 litigation...

The California supreme court announced Wednesday that it will review legal challenges to Proposition 8, which passed by a narrow margin on November 4, constitutionally banning same-sex marriage in the state.

But don't look for any resolution in the immediate future: The high court scheduled a hearing for March, asking litigants on both sides for more written arguments in the interim.

The National Center for Lesbian Rights, the American Civil Liberties Union, and Lambda Legal filed a suit challenging the validity of Prop. 8 on November 5, before Equality California, the official group that worked to defeat Prop. 8, had formally conceded.

The court will be asked to answer the following questions:

"Is Proposition 8 invalid because it constitutes a revision of, rather than an amendment to, the California constitution?"

"Does Proposition 8 violate the separation of powers doctrine under the California constitution?"

"If Proposition 8 is not unconstitutional, what is its effect, if any, on the marriages of same-sex couples performed before the adoption of Proposition 8?"

The McFreeds let you in on the rights that all legal marriages in this country have under federal law...

Here is a list of marriage rights provided by U.S. federal law according to the General Accountability Office (GAO) in a 2004 report. Notice that most of these are economic in nature. Name your favorite right!

• Right to many of ex- or late spouse's benefits, including:
• Social Security pension
• veteran's pensions, indemnity compensation for service-connected deaths, medical care, and nursing home care, right to burial in veterans' cemeteries, educational assistance, and housing
• survivor benefits for federal employees
• survivor benefits for spouses of longshoremen, harbor workers, railroad workers
• additional benefits to spouses of coal miners who die of black lung disease
• $100,000 to spouse of any public safety officer killed in the line of duty
• continuation of employer-sponsored health benefits
• renewal and termination rights to spouse's copyrights on death of spouse
• continued water rights of spouse in some circumstances
• payment of wages and workers compensation benefits after worker death
• making, revoking, and objecting to post-mortem anatomical gifts
• Right to benefits while married:
• employment assistance and transitional services for spouses of members being separated from military service; continued commissary privileges
• per diem payment to spouse for federal civil service employees when relocating
• Indian Health Service care for spouses of Native Americans (in some circumstances)
• sponsor husband/wife for immigration benefits
• Larger benefits under some programs if married, including:
• veteran's disability
• Supplemental Security Income
• disability payments for federal employees
• Medicaid
• property tax exemption for homes of totally disabled veterans
• income tax deductions, credits, rates exemption, and estimates
• Joint and family-related rights:
• joint filing of bankruptcy permitted
• joint parenting rights, such as access to children's school records
• family visitation rights for the spouse and non-biological children, such as to visit a spouse in a hospital or prison
• next-of-kin status for emergency medical decisions or filing wrongful death claims
• custodial rights to children, shared property, child support, and alimony after divorce
• domestic violence intervention
• access to "family only" services, such as reduced rate memberships to clubs & organizations or residency in certain neighborhoods
• Preferential hiring for spouses of veterans in government jobs
• Tax-free transfer of property between spouses (including on death) and exemption from "due-on-sale" clauses.
• Special consideration to spouses of citizens and resident aliens
• Spouse's flower sales count towards meeting the eligibility for Fresh Cut Flowers and Fresh Cut Greens Promotion and Information Act
• Threats against spouses of various federal employees is a federal crime
• Right to continue living on land purchased from spouse by National Park Service when easement granted to spouse
• Court notice of probate proceedings
• Domestic violence protection orders
• Existing homestead lease continuation of rights
• Regulation of condominium sales to owner-occupants exemption
• Funeral and bereavement leave
• Joint adoption and foster care
• Joint tax filing
• Insurance licenses, coverage, eligibility, and benefits organization of mutual benefits society
• Legal status with stepchildren
• Making spousal medical decisions
• Spousal non-resident tuition deferential waiver
• Permission to make funeral arrangements for a deceased spouse, including burial or cremation
• Right of survivorship of custodial trust
• Right to change surname upon marriage
• Right to enter into prenuptial agreement
• Right to inheritance of property
• Spousal privilege in court cases (the marital confidences privilege and the spousal testimonial privilege)
• Spousal income and assets are counted in determining need in many forms of government assistance, including:
• veteran's medical and home care benefits
• housing assistance
• housing loans for veterans
• child's education loans
• educational loan repayment schedule
• agricultural price supports and loans
• eligibility for federal matching campaign funds
• Ineligible for National Affordable Housing program if spouse ever purchased a home.
• Subject to conflict-of-interest rules for many government and government-related jobs
• Ineligible to receive various survivor benefits upon remarriage
• Marriage penalty/bonus with income taxes
• Someone working for their spouse cannot be defined as an "employee”
• Someone cannot change beneficiaries in a retirement plan or from waiving the joint and survivor annuity form of retirement benefit, without the written consent of his or her spouse
• Wages can be garnished at a maximum of 60% (instead of the normal 25% limit) if the garnishing is for alimony or child support
• State community property laws in divorce/separation cases

Stefan submits a Letter To Editor of The Baltimore Sun...

As thrilled as I am at Barack Obama’ victory on Tuesday, I am at the same time disheartened that the discriminatory marriage bans passed in CA, FL, & AZ.  Since when is a civil right – one that was already passed into law – contingent on majority rule?  It should never be up for a vote; a civil right is just that---the “right” thing to do.

If you’ll pardon the pun, let me see if I get this straight: gays and lesbians are depicted as exceedingly promiscuous, jumping from partner to partner with wild abandon.  Then, when they express the desire to get married (which is amazing they find the time to both find a partner and plan a wedding, what with the bar-hopping, drug-taking, and their other rampant lascivious behavior), they are told that those kinds of unions are not possible, are invalid, and will not be recognized.  Isn’t that the ol’ damned-if-you-do-damned-if-you-don’t. 

It is no secret that 50% of all marriages end in divorce.  If “traditional” marriage between a man and a woman is touted as the “backbone” of this country, then I’d say get thee to a chiropractor post-haste.  I fail to see how a legal and blessed commitment to my same-sex partner in any way denigrates my neighbors’ heterosexual marriage.  If this sacred institution is in such peril, shouldn’t we as a society be encouraging and celebrating those folks who want to make the decision to commit to a partner, and thereby increase the number of stable, loving households?

When my partner, Sean, and I get married next October, we will stand in front of family and friends to declare our love and commitment to each other, and to invite them to share in our happiness.  This will serve as the beginning of our building a life together, and creating our own family.  Just as my brother and his wife did, and just as Sean’s sisters and their husbands did before us.  Simple. 

I did not choose to be gay, any more than my brother “chose” to be heterosexual.  The only choices I have made are to live my life openly and honestly---and to make a commitment to Sean to be with him forever.

Sean ponders this "evil" idea...

What if the gay community started a petition drive in all 50 states that asked for a referendum on the marriages of their governors?  

Question: Should the marriage of Arnold Schwarzeneggar and Maria Shriver be dissolved? Yes or No

We wouldn't discriminate. We wouldn't make exceptions. If they are unmarried, we select the Attorney General. Make it real. Take it home. Force the issue. If our marriages as a group can be on the ballot why not theirs?

Maybe we take the tact of a Washington state activist who tried to put on the ballot a referendum that took the literal comments of the Washington State Supreme Court and advocated that marraiges that did not produce a child in 2 years after the marriage date should be dissolved. Now this is something that wouldn't work, but I think you understand that tactic.

If there isn't a ballot initiative process, find another way to put something on a ballot or in legislation that takes a real person and forces America to look at the whole issue at a microscopic level. Most of the measures wouldn't get on the ballot or pass even. But there has to be a way of truly shocking America in a way that is not violent but really takes the issue home. Is it a stunt? Of course. But a true gay ally could even step up and put their own marriage on the plate.

We must drive home the notion of our marriages being the "same" and not different. Sometimes stretching the idea to the extreme sometimes really shows that idea.

Just an idea to stress a point.

The McFreeds report...

SFGate.com and AfterElton.com are reporting the following about retired NFL Hall of Fame Quarterback and MVP of Super Bowl XXIX Steve Young and his wife Barb Young are coming out against Proposition 8, donating money to the cause of deating it, AND have a yard sign on their front lawn!  Even more significant is that the Youngs are doing this against their church, which they are very devoted to! Thanks Steve!

From AfterElton.com:

This weekend, Steve Young and his wife, Barb Young, made it clear they don't support anti-gay discrimination in California by coming out publicly against Proposition 8 and donating $50,000 to help defeat the measure. Via Equality California, Barb Young issued a statement saying "We believe all families matter, and we do not believe in discrimination, therefore, our family will vote against Prop. 8." The lawn of the Young home also sports No on 8 signs. (Note: While it is Barb Young's name on the check to No on 8, she also made another statement making it clear that Steve agrees with and supports her.)

It should be noted that Young, a Hall of Fame player and MVP of Super Bowl XXIX, isn't just any old retired NFL quarterback. He's also a member of the Mormon Church that has poured millions of dollars into into passing Proposition 8. And Young isn't any old Mormon either — he's a direct descendant of Brigham Young (the second president of the Mormon church) and has been one of the church's most visible Mormons. Frankly, the Youngs' stance on Proposition 8 is rather shocking given how invested the Mormon church is in passing the anti-gay amendment.

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From SFGate.com Political Blog:

The signs on the front lawn of former 49er quarterback Steve Young's Peninsula home say "No on Prop. 8," which normally wouldn't be much of a story in the Bay Area, a gay-friendly region which is the center of opposition to the effort to ban same-sex marriage in the state.

But Young isn't only a Hall of Fame quarterback. He's also the great-great-great grandson of Brigham Young, the second president of the Mormon church. The church has pushed hard and publicly for Prop. 8 and Mormons have pumped millions into the campaign.

Young also isn't just any church member. During his years in the NFL, he was one of the nation's most visible Mormons. He graduated from BYU, which was named for his ancestor, and received his law degree there. In a 1996 "60 Minute" interview, he said that he still had plans to go on the church mission he missed in college and had no problem tithing 10 percent of his earnings to the church. He retains close ties to Utah, married his wife, Barbara, at a temple in Hawaii and even served as narrator for a short video on the Mormon church and its history, done for the 2002 Winter Olympics in Utah.

Given all that, it's surprising to see Young's family lining up on the opposite side of the church, especially after Mormon leaders in Salt Lake City sent a letter last June that asked all California church members to do all they could to support the Prop. 8 effort by "donating of your means and time to assure that marriage in California is legally defined as being between a man and a woman."

While it's Barb Young's name that appears on the checks, she made it clear in a statement issued today through Equality California that the contributions are a family affair.

"We believe ALL families matter and we do not believe in discrimination, therefore, our family will vote against Prop. 8," she said.

Later, she clarified her remarks with this update: "To expand on my earlier email, I am very passionate about this issue and Steve is completely supportive of me and my work for equality. We both love our Church and are grateful that our Church encourages us to vote our conscience. Steve prefers not to get involved politically on any issue no matter what the cause and therefore makes no endorsement."

The McFreeds share this commentary...

We devote this blog entry to an editorial singer/activist Melissa Etheridge wrote in opposition to California's Proposition 8:

When my official sample ballot for the November 4th general election arrived I was in the kitchen, where my eldest son was practicing tricks on his yo-yo. As I thumbed through the pamphlet I turned to page 5, state measures. There it was, right between prop 7: The Renewable Energy Generation Initiative Statute, and prop 9:The Criminal Justice System Victims’ Rights Parole Initiative Constitutional Amendment and Statute:

Proposition 8: Eliminates Right of Same-Sex couples To Marry.

I called my son over. I said “Read this, tell me what you think”. He, being 9 years old and very proud of his reading skills, read “Changes California Constitution to eliminate right of same sex couples to marry.” He looked at me, very matter-of-factly and said, “Wow, that’s lame.”

A rush of memories came over me. What a long strange trip it has been.

I remembered being a new mom in 1997. I followed the long trail of red tape to find a way to adopt my children so they could be covered by health insurance, or so I could see them in the hospital in case of some emergency, along with dozens of other reasons. I was fortunate enough to have the financial resources to find a lawyer that would help me through the heart breaking adoption system. The social worker would come to my house, numerous times, evaluate me, have me fill out all of the forms and then regretfully deny me my right to adopt my children because California law prohibited social workers from adoption approval of same sex couples. Then my lawyer would take my case to a judge that would read the social worker’s words “regretfully deny” and then the judge would say, “overruled, “allowing me to adopt my children within the legal system. I give thanks to these great people who truly believe in equal rights and risked so much for so many families.

There were the dark times, when proposition 22 was put on the ballot in 2000. It was a strange act, more like a true or false question: ”Marriage in the state of California is defined as being between a man and a woman.” Okay…? It passed.

Then I remembered my own wedding in 2003. I had found my true love, Tammy. It was a magical ceremony that started with my children walking with me down the aisle to meet my bride as the two aisles merged into one. I wanted to stand in front of my community of family and friends and declare my promise to be committed to my partner, now my wife, through thick and thin, in sickness and in health, something that would be tested with my breast cancer diagnosis and treatment later that next year. The day before the wedding Grey Davis gave same sex couples domestic partnership rights, one of his last moments as governor and we proudly hung our certificates on our wall. They were limited rights, but doggone it, it was a beginning.

I will never forget the day earlier this year when the news came down the wire that the Supreme Court of CA. had declared same sex marriage legal. We told our children about it and all danced around the room in family glee. I have four children now, my 11-year-old daughter, my 9-year-old son and boy and girl twins, aged two. We knew the only way our rights could be taken away was through a ballot measure and a constitutional amendment revoking the rights of same sex couples.

And now here it is.

Prop 8 is a blatantly hateful, and fearful proposition that I believe the great citizens of California can see through. The proponents of it have run the most fearful of television ads telling the people that if this doesn’t pass they will have to teach about homos to small grade school children. I can’t seem to recall any relationships ever being taught in school and I can’t find anything about that in this proposition. Now, I know my preference of life mate freaks some people out. Maybe it is just their fear of sex or intimacy. I know that they hold up the bible and say that it’s wrong. Fine, let me stand before my creator and take any consequences there might be to living my life in truth and balance with my spirit.

I believe in our democracy. I believe in our constitution. I believe we live in the greatest country in the world. I believe that we are as strong as our weakest link and if we deny any of our citizens the right to “life liberty and the pursuit of happiness” then we deny it to all of us.

I will be waking up with my children on November 5th and I will be fixing them breakfast as I usually do. I look forward to telling them that prop 8 was defeated. I am sure my son will say, “Good, that was lame.”

Yes, lame indeed.

Gay Couple

Sean wonders...

Stefan and I are really getting married. Sure we got engaged last Xmas and pondered about if it was really real in past blogs. And sure Maryland hasn't exactly legalized our type of marriage yet. But we really ARE. 

How do we know?

What made us realize this?

A deposit has been made!

During our trip to Ocean City in September, we decided to explore and see what our options were location-wise. We both thought we would love a beach wedding... although Stefan still feels weird about walking down the sandy aisle without shoes on... but we had no preconceptions about where it could be or if it was even possible.

But we found it!

A restaurant in Dewey Beach, Delaware presented us with a private beach location, a great reception option, and the history of same-sex wedding ceremonies already occuring there. After a few weeks of thought we knew it was the place. This takes care of the ceremony site, reception site, catering, a tent, booze, and date - October 10, 2009. Of course it didn't really hit us until we saw the deposit $$$ pop up on the credit account! 

It's truly weird how a simple line item in a credit statement could validate something.  

We already have a preliminary guest list of 100. 

We already selected co-officients for our ceremony - Sean's college rooommate Tim and Stefan's cousin Allene.

We already decided that both Christian and Jewish tenets will be employed.

We agreed to incorprate a Jewish chuppa into our event.

But, we still have the business of: 

• Finding a photographer and DJ;
• Selecting, printing, addressing, and mailing the invitations;
• Choosing outfits (and no, neither of us is wearing the dress);
• Selecting a color theme; blocking rooms at hotels for guests;
• Deciding on readings for the ceremony; and choosing our entrance themes and first dance song(s).

So the "battle" is just beginning!  But we have a plan and a budget, so this will happen!

Who cares if the economy is tanking, right??!!  (nervous laughter)

Look to this space to hear more as this all unfolds!    

The McFreeds jump up and down and shout about...

The California Supreme Court made it official today, both heterosexual and homosexual couples can now marry in the state of California... and call it marriage!  In a 4-3 ruling, the court defined that marriage is not about tradition it is about creating one's own private relationship with someone else and having the state recognize and protect that union without prejudice. There is a state constitutional amendment pending a vote in November 2008 if it gets the right amount of signatures that could change this ruling. However, in 30 days two people (resident or non-resident) will be able to get married in California as long as they show up in person with a valid ID and the proof of any previous marriage's divorce (if applicable).

This is my favorite part of the ruling... which is 121 page long:

"...our state now recognizes that an individual’s capacity to establish a loving and long-term committed relationship with another person and responsibly to care for and raise children does not depend upon the individual’s sexual orientation, and, more generally, that an individual’s sexual orientation — like a person’s race or gender — does not constitute a legitimate basis upon which to deny or withhold legal rights.  We therefore conclude that in view of the substance and significance of the fundamental constitutional right to form a family relationship, the California Constitution properly must be interpreted to guarantee this basic civil right to all Californians, whether gay or heterosexual, and to same-sex couples as well as to opposite-sex couples."

 

The McFreeds congratulate...

President George W. Bush's daughter Jenna and her new husband Henry Hager on their marriage on Saturday May 10, 2008.  May their early life together as newlyweds here in Baltimore, MD be happy and fruitful.  We both hope our community will support their relationship with dignity and respect as they make a life, have children, and grow old together with us right next door. We hope our wedding next year as special, meaningful, and memorable as their's was! Who knows, maybe our future children will grow up together in the same schools and neighborhood!

Mazel Tov and Best Wishes

The McFreeds report...

In our state of Maryland, some things are looking up on the legal front for gay lesbian couples. It's not a done deal yet but it's getting there!

Senate approves expanded rights for unmarried couples

By Kristen Wyatt

The Associated Press

5:40 PM EDT, March 18, 2008