5 posts tagged “same-sex”

The McFreeds share this commentary...

We devote this blog entry to an editorial singer/activist Melissa Etheridge wrote in opposition to California's Proposition 8:

When my official sample ballot for the November 4th general election arrived I was in the kitchen, where my eldest son was practicing tricks on his yo-yo. As I thumbed through the pamphlet I turned to page 5, state measures. There it was, right between prop 7: The Renewable Energy Generation Initiative Statute, and prop 9:The Criminal Justice System Victims’ Rights Parole Initiative Constitutional Amendment and Statute:

Proposition 8: Eliminates Right of Same-Sex couples To Marry.

I called my son over. I said “Read this, tell me what you think”. He, being 9 years old and very proud of his reading skills, read “Changes California Constitution to eliminate right of same sex couples to marry.” He looked at me, very matter-of-factly and said, “Wow, that’s lame.”

A rush of memories came over me. What a long strange trip it has been.

I remembered being a new mom in 1997. I followed the long trail of red tape to find a way to adopt my children so they could be covered by health insurance, or so I could see them in the hospital in case of some emergency, along with dozens of other reasons. I was fortunate enough to have the financial resources to find a lawyer that would help me through the heart breaking adoption system. The social worker would come to my house, numerous times, evaluate me, have me fill out all of the forms and then regretfully deny me my right to adopt my children because California law prohibited social workers from adoption approval of same sex couples. Then my lawyer would take my case to a judge that would read the social worker’s words “regretfully deny” and then the judge would say, “overruled, “allowing me to adopt my children within the legal system. I give thanks to these great people who truly believe in equal rights and risked so much for so many families.

There were the dark times, when proposition 22 was put on the ballot in 2000. It was a strange act, more like a true or false question: ”Marriage in the state of California is defined as being between a man and a woman.” Okay…? It passed.

Then I remembered my own wedding in 2003. I had found my true love, Tammy. It was a magical ceremony that started with my children walking with me down the aisle to meet my bride as the two aisles merged into one. I wanted to stand in front of my community of family and friends and declare my promise to be committed to my partner, now my wife, through thick and thin, in sickness and in health, something that would be tested with my breast cancer diagnosis and treatment later that next year. The day before the wedding Grey Davis gave same sex couples domestic partnership rights, one of his last moments as governor and we proudly hung our certificates on our wall. They were limited rights, but doggone it, it was a beginning.

I will never forget the day earlier this year when the news came down the wire that the Supreme Court of CA. had declared same sex marriage legal. We told our children about it and all danced around the room in family glee. I have four children now, my 11-year-old daughter, my 9-year-old son and boy and girl twins, aged two. We knew the only way our rights could be taken away was through a ballot measure and a constitutional amendment revoking the rights of same sex couples.

And now here it is.

Prop 8 is a blatantly hateful, and fearful proposition that I believe the great citizens of California can see through. The proponents of it have run the most fearful of television ads telling the people that if this doesn’t pass they will have to teach about homos to small grade school children. I can’t seem to recall any relationships ever being taught in school and I can’t find anything about that in this proposition. Now, I know my preference of life mate freaks some people out. Maybe it is just their fear of sex or intimacy. I know that they hold up the bible and say that it’s wrong. Fine, let me stand before my creator and take any consequences there might be to living my life in truth and balance with my spirit.

I believe in our democracy. I believe in our constitution. I believe we live in the greatest country in the world. I believe that we are as strong as our weakest link and if we deny any of our citizens the right to “life liberty and the pursuit of happiness” then we deny it to all of us.

I will be waking up with my children on November 5th and I will be fixing them breakfast as I usually do. I look forward to telling them that prop 8 was defeated. I am sure my son will say, “Good, that was lame.”

Yes, lame indeed.

The McFreeds announce...

Connecticut's state supreme court announced today that it was legalizing same-sex marriage in a close 4 - 3 ruling on Kerrigan and Mock v. the Connecticut Department of Public Health:

"We conclude that, in light of the history of pernicious discrimination faced by gay men and lesbians, and because the institution of marriage carries with it a status and significance that the newly created classification of civil unions does not embody, the segregation of heterosexual and homosexual couples into separate institutions constitutes a cognizable harm...

...our conventional understanding of marriage must yield to a more contemporary appreciation of the rights entitled to constitutional protection. Interpreting our state constitutional provisions in accordance with firmly established equal protection principles leads inevitably to the conclusion that gay persons are entitled to marry the otherwise qualified same sex partner of their choice. To decide otherwise would require us to apply one set of constitutional principles to gay persons and another to all others. The guarantee of equal protection under the law, and our obligation to uphold that command, forbids us from doing so. In accordance with these state constitutional requirements, same sex couples cannot be denied the freedom to marry."

- Justice Richard N. Palmer for the majority

The only way this can be changed in the state constitution is by amending it via a state constitutional convention. Ironically, Connecticut places a question about calling a convention on the ballot every 8 years or so. Guess what is on that ballot this year??  The Republican Governor says she would not work to change the ruling although she is personally against same-sex marriage. She originally supported the state's current civil unions law.

Since New Jersey is going to legalize in 2009, maybe Delaware will continue the East Coast trend and legalize it in time for our wedding October 10, 2009!

The McFreeds share the following letter from Barack Obama with you...

Barack Obama

Dear Friends,

Thank you for the opportunity to welcome everyone to the Alice B. Toklas LGBT Democratic Club's Pride Breakfast and to congratulate you on continuing a legacy of success, stretching back thirty-six years.  As one of the oldest and most influential LGBT organizations in the country, you have continually rallied to support Democratic candidates and causes, and have fought tirelessly to secure equal rights and opportunities for LGBT Americans in California and throughout the country.  

As the Democratic nominee for President, I am proud to join with and support the LGBT community in an effort to set our nation on a course that recognizes LGBT Americans with full equality under the law. That is why I support extending fully equal rights and benefits to same-sex couples under both state and federal law.  That is why I support repealing the Defense of Marriage Act and the "Don't Ask Don't Tell" policy, and the passage of fully inclusive laws to protect LGBT Americans from hate crimes and employment discrimination. And that is why I oppose the divisive and discriminatory efforts to amend the California Constitution, and similar efforts to amend the U.S. Constitution or those of other states.

For too long, issues of LGBT rights have been exploited by those seeking to divide us. It's time to move beyond polarization and live up to our founding promise of equality by treating all our citizens with dignity and respect. This is no less than a core issue about who we are as Democrats and as Americans.

Finally, I want to congratulate all of you who have shown your love for each other by getting married these last few weeks. My thanks again to the Alice B. Toklas LGBT Democratic Club for allowing me to be a part of today's celebration.  I look forward to working with you in the coming months and years, and I wish you all continued success. 

Sincerely,  
Barack Obama

The McFreeds relate a story from across the pond...

The following ad for a Heinz Deli Mayo product was recently removed from the air in Britain because "viewers complained to the [British] Advertising Standards Authority that it was 'offensive' and 'inappropriate to see two men kissing'" and other complaints said "unsuitable to be seen by children and that it raised the difficult problem of parents having to discuss the issue of same-sex relationships with younger viewers."

Judge for yourself...

Heinz's response after pulling ad:

"It is our policy to listen to consumers. We recognise that some consumers raised concerns over the content of the ad and this prompted our decision to withdraw it," said Nigel Dickie, director of corporate affairs for Heinz UK.

Dickie added that the campaign for the new Heinz Deli Mayo product, which was due to run for five weeks, was meant to be humorous (the deli man was supposed to be a representation of the wife and mother as she became one when dispersing Heinz's product) and that the company apologized to anyone who felt offended.

Help with this story came from an article in The Guardian.

So is it time to hold off on buying Heinz ketchup, mustard, mayonnaise, and pickles in the store this month yet??

Sean opines...

Mrs Meaney (yes her real name) was conducting a vocabulary lesson that afternoon when I suddenly realized I was different from the other kids. Carter and Joe both turned around as Mrs. Meaney's back was turned to us and mouthed that hateful word to me. It was all without sound but I heard the hate and the truth loud and clear. "Faggot" they said and I never forgot it. I was so traumatized by what was said my mind collapsed and I entered a deep depression that frightened my parents. I believe that was the moment in time they knew who I was, but let me be to discover it myself. Carter and Joe were punished and confronted with their hate in the end. In their direct apology to me, they both expressed true feelings of forgiveness; saying they just couldn't comprehend how what they saw as harmless teasing affected me so deeply. Whatever their apology, the damage was done on my self-esteem. I felt worthless and alone at that moment and for a few weeks after. I supressed my feelings silently soon enough, turned on my Pollyanna grin, and moved on in life.  However, fear and doubt organized in my subconscience and fueled my denial. Who wanted to be "different?"  I soldiered on like a man should.

As high school and college came and went, a few moments stood out for me. Being the nerd I am I joined the "It's Academic" team and pursued my love of all things trivia. I met 3 friends, 2 juniors and a sophomore, who lived around the corner from and who I shared common interests and chemistry. For two years we were great friends and then we were not. I never understood why we stopped being friends. Maybe it was my age and the fact that they all went off to college way before me. Little did I know that was my first flirtation with love. Sure I had had crushes on girls in middle school, and pre-school had me screaming "I love Leslie" on many an audio tape in honor of a fellow 3 year-old classmate. But I found out later in life that someone truly had fallen in love with me and I never realized it until he told me years later. We tried to be friends later in life but we both were in troubled relationships and distance and fear of temptation caused us to drift apart. I think of him often and miss the friendship that we should have continued.

College found me so tightly wound I didn't know what to do. I found myself repulsed when I found out that one of the seniors I had come to know was gay. I limited my time with him and soon he graduated and life returned without curiousity. Unbeknownst to me, my sophomore college roommate Tim defended me to others when they asserted that I was gay and that he shouldn't move in with me. He covered for me while I just ignored who I was. I went on dating red heads and blondes now and again, all the while skimming the boundary of bisexual thoughts which we all know lead to gay town. But still I fought on and senior year had a short fling with another red head who strangely enough would supply a quote after she passed through my life that I would celebrate fondly. I regret those years sometimes. I was afraid. Think of all the life I could have lived without the stress of being found out. Building a confidence that I too could love and be loved without worrying about another group of boys turning around and calling me "faggot." I should have had those years back to better mold who I am rather than continuing another fight that lasted 3 more years.

After college I moved around and got into political organizing and student teaching. I heard the whispers about me but I "knew" I was straight. In 1995, I sat down at a dinner party with several friends and had the same experience that the "faggot" incident had hit me with years previously.  A guest at the party, who was out and proud, looked me in the eye after I made a joke about a flirtation he made with another at the table and said "When are you going to stop running?" I shuddered and flashbacked, but this time I didn't fear. I took a journey in my mind and realized the real me was there. My college friends were the first to learn. "Amy was right," they said. The red headed freshman girl I had dated and "become a man" with had been quoted in an article about her becoming the 1st straight officer of a gay student organization: "All my boyfriends have ended up being gay." And she was right. I guess she was my Grace Adler but more forgettable.

Was I free though in my mind? I wasn't really. I kept my true self private and fled to Montana to learn about me without the distraction of parents and friends; preconceptions and truth was my fear. Montana was a time of total freedom that also had me looking forward to finding a special man in my life. I found someone through a mutual friend, returned back to my hometown, and tried to make a life together. That white knight story did not work out but I made a friend for life. My second try at love was more about trying to "complete me" and not "be me." I accept my blame for how things ended and try and make peace every day with myself and God about it. Love was a good goal but not at the expense of myself again. And then I searched my soul and my mind and my inner dark areas for the true me. After some cage shaking by friends and even chance strangers I realized who I was and now I am at peace. I even felt like I spoke to God to obtain forgiveness in my own heart for the self-loathing I victimized my self with. I had found the true me complete and forgiven! And that discovery, of course, all led me to the beauty that is Stefan...

Why do I write about all this? Why do I expose myself today? Because yesterday an institution in our great country said I was the "same" and my story must be told to show that Stefan and I are humans who deserve to love without political condition. Hiding is no longer an option; to reveal is the only answer. I have always felt different. I have always felt incomplete. I have always felt disappointed that things I thought I deserved in life were just out of reach because of who I am even though I kept my Pollyanna demeanor and soldiered on as the man I claim to be. Now, I feel I can be me and have hope that my strong heart and soul that Stefan celebrates every day as my partner may have a happy ending soon. My parents may never worry that I won't be left out of the great institution that is marriage. They know I will be safe and cared for after they leave this earth many years from now, potentially legally soon. 

California confirmed to me and my gay and lesbian brothers and sisters that we are the "same".  We will have to fight even harder to keep our affirmation given us by the California Supreme Court in a fight against a state constitutional amendment aimed at returning things back to the way they were. Regardless, the California Supreme Court's decision at this moment in declaring an end to true difference between gay and straight at least in one state is enormous!  It makes me excited and proud to be me and have strengthened hope in the family Stefan and I are making. I can marry Stefan (which is planned for Fall 2009 at this point) just the same as anyone else now... even if opportunity is just open to us in one state at the moment.  I have always loved the word "unique" but to be the "same" in this one instance is beyond words. Who knows we might just pre-empt Fall 2009 with a quick flight to the west coast soon!